what can i do next ?

Monday, June 29, 2009 ; 9:50:00 PM♥

was it the right choice ?

its the first day of school today .. its a bad day .. 2 problems occoured today ..

the first thing : my locker . the padlock has been removed . and then the top lock is locked by the school . i cant take out my books for class lessons . then right after the teacher released us after the last bell , anna and i went to find mojojojo , my school's OM , which is officially known as mr jaya , for the key to unlock my locker . then , the problem solved . but next up , the second problem ..

the second problem ..

during the day .. i kept on smsing brandon , my kor ,and my dhaddie , which apparently is my bf .. then when i met him after the locker thing is solved , i was still smsing brandon .. then he saw me smsing him .. this is when history re-plays again .. the last time was chuanjing , he didnt make a big fuss out of it .. and didnt mind at all .. but now , he still sent me a sms when he is sitting right next to me , saying :

so it seems that you have your kor to sms jiu can liao right?

which in other words means that i have brandon to sms then i can dont care about him already , which is not ..

then i started emoing ..then cried .. only then he knowa that im hurt . when i was crying , i ignored whatever he said .. then when i stopped crying , he left for home , as he was already late ..

then i went with mandy and phoebe to block 108 , and they played basketball while i walked around , emoing .. then sometime later , he smsed me

" dun sad, its my fault, sorry. "

then i replied

" i didnt say it is . " which means that i didnt blame him for making me cry .. but he replied

" it is.. its never your fault.. only your responsibility.. "

then i asked

"what do you mean by responsibility ? "

then he replied :

" coz if you keep spending time with your kor.. i'll be jealous.. and i will tend to push you to him.. so if that happens, it will really be your fault.. for losing me.. if you dont mind losing me.. then go ahead.. "

at that instance , i broke down crying again .. he meant if i continue and carrying on living life like today , i will lose him ..

and its total threatening , and hinting for a breakup . i dont know whether he knows how hurtful it is to me , but , he kept on apologising , saying he just wants me to be happy .. even if it is for him to die , he would .. then he broke down into tears too ..

then there was awkward silence on the phone line .. then after a short while , we hung up . coz we really need to calm down .. which apparently i tried calming down , even until now ,because all the past wounds ..they havent even started healing , and he adds on another wound , not to mention where , but it hurts alot ..

from the first wound of my previous relationship , my ex , all the pain and wound hasnt fully healed , and all the new wounds start coming in , like a tsunami , not stopping ..

why must he be so cruel to say all those things ?at this point of time , i can only type them all out ..he has became much more sensitive than before , getting more and more emotional than he ever did .. if he continues like this , how are my wounds supposed to heal ? i cant imagine .. i have no idea how long this relationship can last .. i hope for forever and ever .. but he's like .. pushing me off the cliff and then suddenly grabbing me back .. hurting and breaking my heart all over and over again ..

unless all the wounds and pins stop coming in , or else i cant see how far this relationship can go further .. i really dont want to end this relationship .. but if these really continues , i'll be left with no other choices but to end it .. i have been always trying to change , changing for the better , and for him .. but .. he .. he .. seems to be changing .. from protecting me , to someone who i dont know , and that someone keeps stabbing , slashing me and doesnt seem to realise it .. i really dont want to see all these happening .. im like .. starting to feel like im in a relationship with a stranger , a new kaiboon that i dont know at all .. a totaly different person that i used to know ..

he has changed ..

i cant get used to this ..

i cant salvage this relationship .. its sinking down to the depths of the ocean .. im really trying very very hard .. bringing it back to where it originally stared .. he may not be able to see it .. but im really giving my very best into it ..

i know all these sound a little exaggerating , but this is really how i felt about it ..

Thursday, June 18, 2009 ; 9:33:00 PM♥

was it the right choice ?

hi people ^^ im back today was a fun and nice day ^^

today my friends celebrated my birthday^^ they were mandy , phoebe . eileen , cheryl , and most importantly , my dhaddie ^^ it was so super duper fun ! especially the seolgarden thing ^^ so fun and funny ^^ all may read mandy's blog for more of its info ^6 then after that we went Ehub to watch movie ^^ hannah montana ^^ cheryl's suggestion ^^ but its still nice ^^ then before the movie we went to play at the arcade ^^ so funny ^^ the arcade info shall be kept as secret ^^ but i got more persents ^^ so good ^^ i love'em ^^

so i gtg now ^^
i'll update again next time ^^

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 ; 4:45:00 PM♥

was it the right choice ?

hi people ^^ it has been 4 days since i updated the last time (: heheh ^^

this one will be a short one but its okay ^^ sll want to say is that im looking forward to tomorrow's celebration ^^ to celebrate my birthday though its already over .. but nvm ^^ i dont mind ^^ coz i will be recieving many presents ^^i already have 5 ^^ one from lydia choa , aunty pauline , peiqi , my 3rd aunt and the last one is from phoebe and mandy tgt ^^ and many people wished me happy birthday ^^, so happy ^^

so thats about it ^^ so byebye !!

Saturday, June 13, 2009 ; 5:44:00 PM♥

was it the right choice ?

hey im back !! and finally .. its my birthday !! and now im telling you guys what happed during the camp ^^,

on monday , on the way to the malaysia immigration , there was a HUGE JAM !! so angry .. and someore is no connection with starhub lehs !! want me to die mann .. cannot sms my dhaddie .. is the worst thing in my life ..

then it was okay all the way .. then the food at the hotel is fabulous ^^. then after that the games were quite fun .. but the point were changed to 'money' .. then after that the 'money' will be used for an auction , for the final challenge .. the things were straws , newspaper , scotchtape , ice cream stick .. straws can from $2 to $16 !! newspaper from $5 to $30 over mann .. scotchtape from $10 to $40 to around $50 .. because there are only limited amount of the things .. its super retarded and crazy .. i was just laughing at how the different groups bid for it .. its super funny .. then the workshop was fun ! then dorm D was different .. coz our materials were different .. then we shared what we've learnt for the day .. i opened in prayer .. and danna , our dorm's dorm leader , closed in prayer . we took 15 mins .. then watched tv had instant noodles before sleeping ..

then tuesday .. i woke up late ! i woke up at 8 .. when breakfast was 7.45 .. then i rushed for breakfast .. and wasnt late for singspiration ^^ phew ^^ then the talk was okay and bs was interesting .. lunch was okay ^^ then the games made me more tan ! annoying mann .. then the workshop was fun ! then dorm D .. danna opened and , we read whats on our book .. and closed in prayer .. we took 10 mins .. then danna and lydia had their instant noodles while i fell asleep ..

then wednesday
i woke up at 8.15 !! worse than ever .. i rushed for breakfast and then was late for singspiration .. then everything was fine .. we were ealry for lunch .. so i went to play with beverly .. then a while later , her sister , patrina , and her brother , wesley also came ^^ and baby jerome too ! they are damn cute !! then everythimg was alright .. till dorm D .. danna said that lydia opened in prayer , then after that , close in prayer . then there was a funy quarrel . then .. danna decided .. lydia open , then she read what was in her book , then she closed .. it only took 3 mins ! and we were laughing throughout the prayer . and there were many nore funny details .. ^^ then again we had instant noodles , and then danna left to find john mark , her lover .. and stayed until 12 plus .. its just .. hmm .. stupid ..

on thursday , i woke up at 8 again .. rushed for everything , and was late for singspiration .. then bs was super short .. and again , we were early for lunch ^^ then after lunch .. i got more tan again .. :'( .. and i stink again , same as tuesday . then the open forum at night was BORING .. want me dead mann .. i kept doing my hair to keep ,e awake .. lols . then dorm D again .. we forgot to open in prayer .. and danna juat read whats in the book , which took only 1 min , and then lydia was told to close in prayer .. then her prayer took 3 mins .. an d they end up quarreling again .. and this this time , danna went to find john mark again ..and lydia fell asleep without turning off the tv .. then when i woke up at 2 plus , danna wasnt back yet , and i turned off the tv , and went back to bed .

then on friday , danna came back at 6 am .. horrible mann .. didnt know what they did .. but i dont care .and it was anna's birthday.. had a great time .. the food that afternoon was the best of all ^^ ate till very full ..
then the concert preperation was fun and interesting ^^
then it came to the night .. was fed up .. i shall not say anything about it .. then i got teased by brandon and jeremy .. i even got teased by them everyday . especially jeremy , then his older brother benedict . then to brandon , then jordan . jordan was the one who started it .. but then .. aiya .. i shall not talk about it .. but overall it was fun ..

and i slept at 3 am ..

then it comes to saturday , my birthday ..

the day that im going back to singapore , which is today . brandon teased me again . and before i left for my bus , he said that he will contact me .. for whatever reasons that he didnt want to tell me but i think i know what it is about .. dhaddie .. my dhaddie .. but i dont care ..

so im done ! but i'll still update as much as i can okay ? byes !

Sunday, June 7, 2009 ; 10:22:00 PM♥

was it the right choice ?

hey people !! i know its years since i had ever updated my blog (: hehe
but many thing happened throughout this 1 year.. cant say in 10 mins .. so i will update it some other time ..

so what im gonna say is that .. im leacing for batu pahat , malaysia for camp ^^,

to a nice nice hotel ^^ until my birthday ! 13 june ! but i that day will be travelling back to singapore.. so sad .. the day travelling .. then i will post again about what happened in camp !!
everyone ok ??
haha im sure you are .. ^^
hehe ang that time will be around 13 or 14 or 15 june already .. ^^
i will miss so many people .. dhaddie .. mandy .. anna .. phoebe .. eileen .. zoe .. mummy .. daddy .. and my room !! my bed !!
i gtg already .. so im so really gona miss everyone in singapore ^^
but just so say .. DHADDIE dont be too sad .. i'll be back on 13 june ^^
so byebye ^^ pke pke ^^
love you guys !!